Drunken Haze
by Coral Wake
Summary: -Post fall- After the fall John is left in darkness for 3 years. He is trapped in a drunken haze, follow John as he pieces together what happened in that haze. Rated M for possible sexual scenes. Written by CoralWake Guest appearance by Lily Joanne Potter  as Sherlock for chapter two
1. Darkness

John waited in darkness. Mind jumbled, he not work out the truth from the lies, or the stories from memories. Like smoke they filtered through his brain. Nothing to grab onto. Nothing stayed.

He could hear voices all around him, but none was clear. As if no one was talking to him, just talking around him. When he asked questions, nobody answered.  
>All he had was a voice. He tried to follow it to try and find the source. But all tries were hopeless. Like catching smoke in air. He hummed as the voice repeated.<p>

"Believe...in...Sherlock"

He believed it was a voice of a once great man, now forgotten.  
>There to save him from the dark. To wake him from this nightmare.<p>

Like an angel.

He felt a terrible amount of pain. Like he had lost his very soul.  
>Never ending pain. But no one came. No one heard him. As he waited from someone to stop it. To save him from it.<p>

He waited in darkness.

He waited for that miracle.

He waited for Three Years, so much has happened. Yet it is only just the beginning.


	2. A night at the pub

Sherlock:

It was too dark without the street lamps illuminating the way to the pub. Sherlock Holmes had made sure of that. He was tempted to just shoot them, but nevertheless, the circuits were easily rewired. He'd been planning this for days now.

Hair dyed, new clothes, except for his trusty scarf, Sherlock was actually stalking someone. Not just anyone though, no, this was John Watson.

John:  
>John was just set free from a hard working day in the clinic. He sighed as he reached his regular pub. It had become his regular ever since Sherlock's death. Every night the doctor would make his way here and drink, in honour of his old friend's memory. Today was the anniversary of Sherlock's death, so not even the fact of hard work would keep him from this drink.<p>

John sighed making his way into the dimly lit pub. It was not full of people, but just enough to make the place feel occupied. John smiled, he preferred it when not many people were around, it's what Sherlock would have liked. John sat on his regular bar stole and ordered his regular beer, before sighing and taking out a photo of Sherlock.  
>"Hope you are not too bored where you are now"<p>

Sherlock:  
>Following John in, Sherlock heard John mumbling away to his photo - a photo of Sherlock, in fact. It made Sherlock smile. He knew that John hadn't forgotten, but it was nice to be reminded so. There was an empty seat a couple of stools down from John, and the lighting was very little, a great opportunity that Sherlock took.<p>

John:

John got his beers in, six to be exact. He paid the bar man giving him a friendly smile and a nod. It had been long since he was in the paper, many people had even forgotten about Sherlock. Some people started to think it never really happened. John sighed raising his first pint to the sky.  
>"I m still waiting for that miracle Sherlock"<p>

Sherlock:  
>Six, six beers? He really was cut up about this. Sherlock wanted to stop John, to help him, but maybe with a drunk John, his mind could be easily be manipulated, maybe even erased if something unexpected and bad happened.<p>

John:  
>John swigged them down quickly. Deep down it was showing how hurt he was about the whole situation. John wanted this all to be a dream, every day in that year tracking from Sherlock's death he wanted to wake up and Sherlock to be there. Drink had pulled him out of that hole and put him in a totally new one. John would drink till he forgot his name and it would help with the pain. Mycroft had spoke to him about getting help but John turned it down. He was a strong doctor, he can move on...just not now. John swigged down his fourth beer.<p>

Sherlock:  
>Alright, Sherlock didn't think that John would throw them back like that. He was a machine. A beast. Surely to pass out. Sherlock needed a distraction, to stop John without making his own presence known. He stood up, spotting two laughing men near John, slightly drunk, one rather butch and the other obviously gay - even if he didn't know it.<p>

Without thinking, Sherlock reached over to the butch one, pinching his arse as he walked by. Humans are so /stupid/, he thought, trying hard not to laugh as the two argued. There was barely any time to leave as a small brawl broke out. Maybe that would coax John out of the pub - he was never the one to stay around the trouble; he only went looking for it after it had happened.

John:  
>John was holding his last and final drink as the fight broke out. He jumped as their voices become high rate. This cause the man to drop his last pint as he cursed at his hands. John sighed at the sight of the fight. All this was way too much for one doctor, he did not want to be the first doctor here. If the clinic knew how much he was drinking, they would surely have his head on a plate.<p>

John got off the stool, as he steadied his self. The doctor started to stagger his way out of the pub, passing the fight. He growled at the men as he went past. 'Idiots' John thought as he finally made his way into the street. He hissed at the cold before going to the long dark alleyway.

Sherlock:  
>Excellent, Sherlock grinned, it worked. Seeing John like this really was a pity - such a waste. That could be changed. He closely followed behind John. If he was correct, this particular alleyway split off. Sherlock could easily lead John down the dead end alleyway. He began running, making sure his footsteps were heard.<p>

John:  
>John turned around, being drunk did not help. He looked over at Sherlock with an odd look. He swore he had seen the man somewhere, John thought for a bit and then it clicked. He had seen the man in the pub, that must be it. But the burning question was, why was he following him. John stopped to see what he would do next.<p>

Sherlock:  
>He stopped too, waiting, just waiting. John had a look that said 'I'm drunk and I'm frightened.' and that he recognised Sherlock from somewhere. Now was the time. "Doctor John Watson."<p>

John:  
>John jumped before he pointed to his self. He looked around before looking back at the man. John licked his dry lips before answering.<br>"Err yes that is me...what would...yoo like?"  
>The words slurred out of the doctors mouth. 'Maybe I did have three too many' he thought to his self before licking his lips again<p>

Sherlock:  
>Sherlock walked closer to John as far as he dared. "Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective." He mumbled, hoping that John was too beyond the point of his words making any sense.<p>

John:  
>To John it sounded like a blur of nothing, all muffled by the power of drink. John started to get scared as he slightly backed away a little. He looked over the man before starting to talk again.<br>"...why you following me?"  
>John whimpered out, clearly not being able to understand anything anyway.<p>

Sherlock:  
>He took another step closer, close enough to feel John's breath mix with Sherlock's. "John, you're very drunk right now, but you know who I am. Think."<p>

John:  
>John squinted looking at the figure, he swayed from the alcohol in his blood. It took him awhile but then something clicked in his brain. John gasped taking a few small steps back.<br>"NO, You are dead! I must be hallucinating again! I MUST! "  
>John screamed as he tried to keep his footing. The drunk doctor's throat was dry, as if he was flooded with emotion.<p>

Sherlock:  
>Hallucination. This made Sherlock wonder, but he ignored it. "I'm alive, very much so." He pulled John forwards by grabbing his wrist, shoving them both under a street lamp. "Look at me. Tell me I'm dead."<p>

John:  
>John felt like time had stopped. He had waited so long for a moment like this. He had sat by the door for months just waiting for them exact words. 'I'm alive' it's all John wanted to hear since day one, and now they were said, John was overcome with emotions. He dropped to the floor crying.<br>"y-you fucking...know it all bar..bastard...you...you...how could you..."

Sherlock:

Sherlock crouched down to meet John's face again. "Let it all out, John. In fact, feel free to punch me." Muttering these just added to making Sherlock feel guilty. But no, what he did had to be done. If he had returned any sooner...

John:  
>John sniffed trying to stop crying. He rubbed his eyes before looking at the floor. He sniffed again trying to stop any more tears from falling.<br>"This better not be...another dream..."  
>John muttered before lightly grabbing onto Sherlock.<p>

Sherlock:  
>He looked more than sad. John looked devastated. "Tell me how I can show you that I'm here." Sherlock pulled John into an awkward but tight hug, with his arms enfolding John.<p>

John:  
>John must have spelt god awful, he had been in a clinic then to a pub. His busy day meant he had no time to change either. John gulped as he thought as much as he could.<br>"Kiss me..." John blurted out before he could think.  
>Him and Sherlock had been close and maybe lovers in the minds of others. But John had yet to confess to Sherlock.<p>

Sherlock:  
>Slowly, Sherlock took John's face in his hands, gulping slightly. "I must confess, I've never kissed anybody before - I might be a bit rusty." Then very slowly, he moved his face to John, pressing their lips gently together. John's breath reeked of beer, but Sherlock ignored it. If this was what it took to get John to listen, he'd do it.<p>

John:  
>John closed his eyes as soon as they touched. He was taken away from the emotions he once felt, it was replaced by an odd feeling. John blushed a tomato shade of red before moving slightly. He moved so he could deepen the kiss, which he did. John allowed his self to purr against Sherlock as the kiss went on.<p>

Sherlock:  
>He was a good kisser, John, especially compared to Sherlock. Having no experience put him at a downfall, but Sherlock moved closer, propping John up by the lamp post. Kissing him deeper just made Sherlock want more of John.<p>

John:  
>John purred again and again. Oh he had wanted this since day one, but he had been unable to admit it. But John also wanted to be sober, he pushed Sherlock a little apart.<br>"Sherlock...I m drunk..."

Sherlock:  
>Sherlock sighed. He sat back though, doing as he was told. "I know John, I did see you chuck those beers down your throat."<p>

John:  
>"I want...I want to do this when I m sober..."<br>John huffed out leaning on Sherlock. For a doctor that used to be in the army, John looked weak now. It was the weakest he had ever been, if Sherlock wanted he could have done anything.

Sherlock:  
>"Of course, I can wait. Come on..." Sherlock gently picked John up, carrying him in his arms. For once, John looked safe, and fit comfortably into the space provided by Sherlock's open arms.<p>

John:  
>"Sherlock...don't let me wake up...to no you..." John let out as he snuggled into Sherlock's hold. He wanted this moment to never end, but some part of him still thought it was the drink playing him. But right now John did not care, he took in the moment as he started to drift to sleep in Sherlock's arms<p>

Sherlock:  
>Sherlock kissed John's forehead, and muttered "I won't leave you. Ever again." Softly he cradled John, making his way to back to 221B Baker Street. It wasn't far, so there wasn't much point of calling a cab.<p>

John:  
>John slept the whole way back, he did not wake up for anything. He had not slept in ages and the comfort of Sherlock made his catch up. John still had to explain to Sherlock about the kiss and Mycroft. It sure was a bumpy road ahead.<p>

Sherlock:  
>Once in the flat, Sherlock with John collapsed onto Sherlock's old bed. It was the bigger, a double, enough room for them both. Snuggling up to John, he watched him sleep.<p> 


	3. Too much for one doctor

John moaned loudly as life started to come crashing down once again. It was usual for him to feel this way, very often after the anniversary of Sherlock's death. In fact he did not wish to move his head just in case the room did not wish to stay in one place. In fact it always was turning and the doctor hadn't even opened his eyes. That was when it hit him...the bed he felt was not his own at all... mentally John kicked himself over and over, he had not only got drunk but ended up somewhere else. Though something was strangely familiar to it. Lifting his head he decided it was best to look around, even if it did mean feeling rotten to the core. Slowly his eyes flicked, sun beams hurting his head as the blur came slowly into focus. He rubbed his head until his mind set into gear. Launching himself out of bed, John realized he was in the 221 B apartment. His eyes shot open as his heart raced, it made no sense at all.

The bed seemed disturbed by another but there was no one there. John narrowed his eyes as he looked around the room. He did so with great difficulty as his head banged and everything hurt. All the doctor wanted to do was go back to sleep, though he knew he should not. After all this was classed as squatting since he no longer lived in the flat. But as the doctor's brain clicked into gear he noticed how little had changed in this room. it was just like how he left it, two years ago on the dot. He could even remember before that when...he used it. The emotions took over as he recalled the reasons he had moved, it was too hurtful to remember such times. Especially since Mary had just passed away too, everything hurt. John wanted to curl up and just rot. It just felt like there was no happiness left, only sadness with him being left to fend for himself. Love was not something he could have, it only ended with pain. If something was not meant to be it would never work, and it was clear to John this was his not meant to be. He sighed slowly walking down the steps...at least he could have a cup of tea...That was when he froze. At the door frame looking in as he saw the figure on the chair. Eyes wide, skin pale, mouth wide open.

"Sher...lock?" Tears started to gather as he could no longer find his words. Hart rate dropping as he tried to think, but the emotions being too much to bare.

The figure turned from his sleeping slumber, his name having been called. Sherlock looked over the doctor as a small smile was on his face. He wanted John to feel comfortable but already the detective was waiting for that moment that everything dawned upon the doctor. Watching his flat mate in such a state was heart breaking but it was not something Sherlock was used to. Standing up he looked over at the man as he watched all of his reactions, he wanted to cry with him. The man he watched last night and now in front of him was broken, and he was the reason for it. The tinge of regret sparked through his body as the detective's brain tried to work out ways of fixing the situation, making up for everything that had happened. Sherlock had been gone for three years, he would not even be surprised if John rejected him right here and now. After all that he put him through, it was understandable. Sherlock swallowed his saliva before taking a step forward, not coming too close just in case he was pushing things.  
>"John..." He whispered his words so they were just loud enough to make out.<p>

Everything took over as John heard his name being called, every event in the past three years consumed him at once. His heart beating loudly in his head as the tears built up in his eyes. It was hard to think straight as his bottom lip jittered, trying desperately to form words. It was all too much to take as his brain found himself unable to process anything. The doctor slowly backed into the door frame, eyes not leaving the figure. Breathing hitched as his hands shook more than ever before. It was just impossible and made no sense at all, his heart becoming more loud as colour left him. Trapped in confusion, being unable to escape. His head ran through every possible explanation though nothing could click. It just had to be another hallucination, but John was too emotional to do anything. The pain was far too much to bare, only turning to him to wish sense upon it all. Throat dry to the bone from the pure emotions as he gulped. His hand raising up slowly, as if he had seen a ghost. Shaking still the doctor's finger slowly extended, as he tried his best to let the words flow. Being stopped by the need to let everything burst.

"You...you're...dea-..." John could hardly get the last word out as his body gave way. The emotions being too much as he passed out on the door frame. Skin pale as while with sweat poring off his brow. John had seen better days.

Sherlock sighed deeply as he made his way over to his passed out friend. Something told him that is would play out this way, though he was expecting him to hit him. Then again this was only the first time John had seen him, knowing his luck it would only be a matter of time. Kneeling down he gently picked up the doctor, making sure he did not swallow his tongue. The last thing he wanted was him to die before finding out the truth on what happened all those years ago. The detective brush his hair back before smiling at how peaceful he finally looked, the pale panicked face did not suit him.  
>"I have missed you so much John..." Sherlock whispered as he watched trying not to jolt him too much. The detective was no doctor on such things, he sighed looking around the room for something to help. Though it looked to be all utterly useless, rolling his eyes he looked around once more. Everything just seemed to be junk...he now understood why Mrs Hudson moaned about the mess. Finally the detective picked John up placing him up right on his own chair. Tilting slightly forward to make sure no accidents would occur. With another loud sigh Sherlock moved back to his own chair, with the factor of waiting being his only task now. Clasping his hands together, he allowed his mind to take over as the thoughts ran wild. It was the best way to kill time, especially in such situations.<p>

/Authors notes:  
>Sorry this is so late but I had a laptop and partner problem. It's short cause I wanted to get another out there. But next time they will be longer. I hope you enjoy.<p> 


	4. I hate you I love you

Hours ran past as the sun slowly went to set. Sherlock had already tried every pose to watch John in, finding himself bored. Even pacing did not entertain the detective and at one point he even tried to play hunt the fags. Looking out the window from the kitchen, he noticed the sun had now set. What had once been morning now turned to night, though John still rested on the chair. His breathing slow being unknown to the events that unfolded around him. Though it was not any more time before his Eyes fluttered open, gasping for air as the room came into focus. His head pounded from him hitting the door frame, as he rubbed the now bump. The contact caused him to let out a large groan, it must have been a dream. He recalled seeing Sherlock, but something must have hit him on the head. The bump was evident of such matters. In fact lately many things happen while he spent his time asleep or passed out, god he had to stop drinking. Shaking his head the doctor let out a large sigh before rubbing his face once over. His throat dry and stomach growling, as everything came into place. Sitting up John just wished that it was true, in fact it was just the miracle he had asked for. Though nothing ever went right for him. He looked around the room, eyes still slightly blurred from the factor of just waking up. It was strange but even after all these years the flat still looked the same, just as messy.

Sherlock had been watching for a while as he already noticed the signs of John waking. This was why he was in the kitchen, pouring the hot water in the cup in front he allowed a heavy sigh to escape. He never thought John would be affected so much about his death, from the little he had seen it already plucked at his heart strings. The detective truly thought that John would have quickly moved on from him, and found another life, away from the one at Baker Street. Though it seemed that everything went not to plan, he watched the tea as it darkened. For once he just wished that the fact of him being right all the time was true, at least then the doctor would not have been so broken. Lifting the cup he slowly walked over to the man, hoping that now would be better than earlier.  
>"Here, I made tea. I know you always wanted me to make it for you" The groggy man groaned still half asleep as he slowly lifted his head. Sherlock smiled as he placed the cup on the table.<p>

John's eyes grew wide as it finally set in, the tea being the one thing he truly noticed. There was no way this could be another hallucination it was far too realistic. In fact this time he did not only see the tea but he could smell it, it had been the one thing to wake every sense in his body. John's eyes followed the smell to look at the figure that stood there, mouth once again open wide. The anger slowly growing on his face as it everything slotted into place. Sherlock had faked his death... he had faked it and left him for three years, Three years of pain and drinking lost because of the detective most likely wanting to show off. Standing up the doctor stopped over to the figure a light glare burning onto him as all the emotions ran through his body. Both fists curled up tightly as they shook from the pure hate. Tears built up as he glared into the others eyes. Sherlock tried to carrying on smiling as he noticed the rage build up. Guild tinged through his body as he noticed how much pain and hurt had been in John's life. Perhaps he was the cause of his ex-flatmates new alcohol abuse. Gulping the detective knew what was to come, it was only what he deserved.

It did not take long before the anger was about to explode inside of the doctor as he watched the smile on Sherlock's face. Without thinking John let him have a full on right hook in the face, with three years of hurt behind it. Not holding back as he rubbed his knuckle.  
>"THREE FUCKING YEARS..." He growled loudly as tears flowed down his face.<p>

Sherlock cried out slightly in surprise as he felt John's fist connect with his jaw. He held touched the area trying his best not to react. Right now he let John do whatever he had to vent out his anger and hurt. After all that he had made the man suffer it was only the right thing to do. He could never hold anything against the doctor, after all he saved his life. "John...please let me explain" Sherlock flinched as he thought there was another hit to come, though the doctor stopped as the new words sunk in. Causing more anger to pent up onto his face.

"EXPLAIN? SHERLOCK! YOU LEFT ME FOR THREE YEARS!"  
>John pushed the man with every word, his tears flowing down his face.<br>"...I needed you...you left..." Everything hurt, just the sight of the detective made his heart bleed. The doctor was close to loving him once but now everything was too painful to think. With his wife's death and everything bundling on top of each other... John wanted to scream, he wanted to curl up and scream louder than he ever had. But that was not the answer, his rage slowly built up as his world turned grey, no sound just him and Sherlock. It all becoming too much to bare as his punched into Sherlock's chest. Each hit losing its power as his breath became unsteady.  
>"Why...Sherlock..." John screamed before being unable to hit the man anymore. Resting his head on Sherlock's shoulder, the doctor cried as he gripped onto his coat. All of the emotion pouring out into him, his head hurting as he sniffled with each sob.<br>"...Sherlock...I needed you...I needed you...why..."

With a sigh Sherlock watched the other as his hitting when to gently sobbing. Slowly he wrapped his arms around John bring the man closer, trying to comfort him in any way possible. Though he found himself stumped at exactly what to do, after all emotions wasn't his forte.  
>"I had to do it John...to protect you. If Moriarty's people didn't see me jump then you would have had a bullet through the brain" He whispered each word into John's ear, his throat becoming dry as he watched the man cry. He could almost hear John's heart breaking at the sight of the detective and it killed him a little bit inside. Holding his breath he tried his best not to cry...for the doctor's sake...<p>

Sniffled John looked up to Sherlock, his eyes still flowing with tears. He held on with tightest grip he had ever held given to anything. Heart rate starting to slow down as his tears followed. Everything felt like it had been shoved on top of him. Three years of pain and trouble, all brought out into one moment. His head started buzzing as he tried to work out what to do next. Everything was too confusing, no longer did the doctor have a grip on reality. He had already lost three years of his life and now it just felt like the nightmare would continue. Taking sharp breath in John gritted his teeth though the crying made it difficult. His eyes focused on Sherlock's as his words snuffling out.  
>"...I hate you...I hate you so much..."<p>

John's eyes spoke everything as Sherlock's effort became less each time, as his tears started to collect in his eyes. He never felt any emotion, but somehow John was always the exception for the detective. The words felt like a sharp knife cutting through his very soul. Like he was slowly being carved alive and there was nothing he could do. What made it worse was the detective could see how much the other man meant those words, and it hurt.  
>"John...please...I had to keep you safe" He spoke trying to explain everything, he had to get through.<p>

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP" John buried his head into Sherlock as he repeated every word. His words slowly started to turn into quiet mutters. It was just too much to have the detective explain everything right now. He didn't want to hear it, not now, not ever. All that mattered was what was happening now. Sherlock was back and this has flipped the doctor's world upside down. After all he was a widow, not that he had a life to go back to. All John wanted was to start a new life here and now. He wanted Sherlock in it, even if there was hate that lurked about from the incident. Truth was he did not hate him, he hated what he did, but nothing in the world could bring him to hate Sherlock.

"I love you...oh god I love you so badly...and you left me..." Swallowing hard John tired to get the words from his dry mouth. His tears finally coming to a halt as the pure emotions took over. Finally John felt safe, in three years he had never felt safe. The closest he got was with Mycroft and still it did not fill the gap. He did not want this moment to end as he held onto Sherlock. Not wanting to let go just in case this was a dream.

The tears continued to flow was he heard the confession. Though his drunk rants made it clear there was something there, Sherlock never thought it was love. The doctor loved him? No one ever loved the detective? He couldn't have just said that he loved him, after all he always made it clear he was not gay. Though the drunk kiss had said otherwise. Sherlock rubbed John's back slowly, trying to stop the stream of tears that were rolling down his face hard and fast.  
>"I'm so sorry John...I'm so sorry...Please forgive me" He sobbed slightly, his body shaking slightly.<p>

"SHUT UP SHERLOCK...IT'S MY TIME TO TALK!" John barked loudly as he waited for Sherlock to listen. Both of them looked like a sight for sore eyes. Tears flowing so much you would have thought a pipe broke somewhere. Sherlock responded with just a simple nod, he looked down at the doctor giving him his full attention. The detective didn't want to upset John any further than he already had. The red tear swollen eyes on John's face caused him to once more swallow the tinge of guilt.

Looking up at detective John breathed slowly trying to keep himself from bursting on into tears. His heart rate thudding inside his head as he thought out his words carefully. Everything need to be perfect, as he slowly breathed out. Sherlock was just...he did not know what to feel any more. The seconds that slipped by just made him more confused about his emotions, his brain finding hard to keep track of thing. John just wanted to spill his guts, he had been dreaming of doing it for three years. Now it was finally his chance to let everything that had built up over the years go. Tilting his head at Sherlock, his eyes filled with pure emotions as he tried to let the words come from the heart. His heart beat loudly pulsing inside his head as he breathed deeply.

"I love you Sherlock...I always have...it took you faking your own death to make me understand...all this time I have loved you...I was just too stupid to understand...I just...I just...I just don't know what I want anymore. I still love you...I can never stop loving you...I m sorry Sherlock..." John rested his forehead on the detective as he closed his eyes. Listening to the others heart beat as the calm started to take over. Everything he ever wanted was right here, everything in front of him. Though his narrow ways made his needs hated. It took him three years of pain to understand...John was just scared now...scared of rejection. He just wanted to be loved...wanted the void to finally be filled.

Sherlock listened to John's words as they washed over him, taking in the information. How could he not have know that John had feelings for him? He mentally kicked himself for not noticing sooner. There was clear signs of this fact, he had even had money on Anderson even knowing. The detective rolled his eyes at the very thought as he looked down at John. It was about time he told the truth, it had been bottled up for all these years.  
>"I love you John Watson" He whispered into the man's ear quietly, holding his body closer to his own gently.<p>

The doctor's heart skipped a beat as he heard the words that formed from Sherlock's lips. Even in his dreams the detective never replied in such a manner, this was all the proof he needed. Everything still felt like a dream it was just too good to be true. A flush lightly made its way across his face as he tried to breath slowly. It was like being in school again when the most beautiful girl in school spoke to you, the way your stomach would become light and fluffy. The way your chest would pound louder than a beating drum, the way life would bubble up inside filling you with blissful joy. Opening his mouth, John went to speak but found himself unable to gain the words. Silence fell upon the pair, but it was not awkward. Everything that needed to be said was already out there, nothing had to be added. It was comforting, as John rested himself in Sherlock's hold. All his troubles were no more, every issue and pain had gone away. Sherlock was his hero...no...Sherlock was his angel.

"Don't leave me...I need you..." He whispered as he carried on holding onto the man. John had already lost him once...and if anyone was to try and take him again they would feel his rage. He would protect the detective with his life if needed...because to John, Sherlock was the only thing that mattered in his life. He was the only reason he lived.

Sherlock remained silent after he finally admitted to John his deepest feelings for the man. He had hidden it from the man since John shot the cab driver for his safety. he had felt a strange knotting feeling in his stomach when he looked over at John, feeling his heart swell up with joy that he met the ex army doctor.  
>"I'll never leave you again John...I swear to you...I'm never going to leave you..." he whispered into his ear quietly, the two of them simply just holding each other.<p>

John's heart pulsed as the silence fell once more. It was peaceful, as their emotions spoke for the pair of them. For once the grey world the doctor found himself trapped in, was now a happy place. Sherlock and him, the only ones together forever. The only two stuck in their own little world, loving and caring for each other. He thought back to what people used to tell him about he and the detective. How enraged he used to get when people said they were a couple. But for once everything had became clear. They saw what was truly there, what the pair could feel now. John had only wished he could have seen it all before. If only he had just listened to all the signs that was right in front of his nose. John sighed before moving his head, getting closer to Sherlock his head a little tilted.

"You're all that I want...you're all that I need...you're everything...everything"

Hand's moving up to run through the detective's hair as he muttered his words. Moving close enough to almost touch as John's eyes flicked from Sherlock's lips to his eyes. He asked for the thing he craved as their breaths were the only thing to make a sound.

Sherlock felt the doctor shift slightly in his arms to look up at him. He smiled softly at his words, feeling the exact same in every way. He felt calmer and more human around John and he was the only one who knew that he was capable of any real human emotion at all. The detective noticed that John looked between his lips and yes several times, silently asking him from permission.  
>"Yes John...you may..." He whispered, his voice almost silent. He was afraid that if he spoke any louder than it might break the spell, and John would hate him again, and possibly kick him out.<p>

The excitement bubbled up deep inside of him as he got the permission. Slowly he connected his lips with Sherlock's, his eyes closing as a shark ran through his brain. The world had truly slipped away as the doctor started to flush. He had waited three years craving for this moment, the moment their lips finally met in with such passion behind them. It was worth the wait, everything still hurt and it would not be gone tomorrow. But right now they did not matter, in fact John was numb by the pure love as he lightly kissed the detective. His hands stopping half way through the curls, as his heart pounded. It was not perfect but then again what was. Though this was the most breath taking moment in John's life. He only hoped that it would never end, he just wanted to spend every moment with Sherlock. Even through the nagging a moaning, at least now he knew what he wanted. The void was finally filled.

Sherlock let his eyes flutter closed as he felt John lightly press their lips together in their first kiss, hopefully, of many more. That kiss was his first ever, and he was so happy that it was with none other than John. HE wanted to kiss the man for years, but never knew how to go about it. The detective slowly around John's waist, gently pulling him closer to his own thin bony body.

Each touch became deeper as John kissed Sherlock. His hands moving up around his neck, to slowly glide through the detective's hair. He was kissing the pain away, all three years going to one passion filled kissed. Every moment, from the moment he saw the jump to waking up in the bed. John thought of it all as the detective took it all away. His lips causing him to forget, crave and lust as they started to get more heated. The love burning in his soul as his eyes staid shut to feel every single touch. The light taste of fags tinged on John's tongue as he lightly licked the other's lips. He wanted to feel everything, to finally feel loved. To finally be done with the depression, his heart pounding as he made he was close to Sherlock. As their heart beats pounded as one.  
>"I love you"<p>

/Author's notes: Last part was done at one am...I hope it don't show


	5. The make up

/ Author's notes: SMUT! SMUT! SMUT! If you don't wish to read this chapter you don't have to. But do know they did have make up sex/

The kiss carried on, becoming more deeper with every movement. Each touch caused Sherlock's head to slowly be consumed by lust, making him crave more of John. Never had he kissed in such a passionate way, neither had he thought that he would desire it as much either. It was fascinating to the detective as he took in every detail of their reactions, making sure never to break the contact. A soft moan escaping as the doctor groped his arse slowly, causing Sherlock to press John hard against the wall. Increase in perspiration, pulse and size genitals. The deductions flew through his brain, parting slowly to look down at his partner. His sexually arousal only building as their pants intermingled. Licking his lips slowly, he gently rushed his hand under the doctor's shirt. Experimenting with every touch to make the other moan out for more.

John was not expecting Sherlock to be so bold, in fact he always imaged it being the other way around. The touch warm touch against his skin caused him to twitch, his heart pounding loudly in his head. Mouth staying wide open as he panted, trying to focus on Sherlock. The doctor rested his forehead on the other's, back strongly pressed against the wall as he gripped onto the detective's arse. Sharply he gasped as Sherlock's delectably lithe fingers circled his nipple, teasing the man each time around. Every touch was causing the doctor's body to heat up, the lust bubbling deep up inside him. The moans becoming more fluent as the touches carried on, eyes closing slowly as their lips pressed together once more.

Both of their hearts pounded in their chest as the kiss became deep. Sherlock grinding slowly against John, as slipped out his hand. Lust consuming his brain as the pure hunger showed in his eyes. Breaking the kiss, the detective kissed down slowly. Stopping at only at the other's neck, sucking deeply before biting in the same spot. Eyes flicking up each time to watch the doctor's reaction. The blood rushing to the point of attention as he sucked hard, hard enough to mark the delicate skin. The deep moans caused him to smirk as he lightly trailed kisses once more.

"You need this...you crave my touch...don't you John" Sherlock whispered his words into the other's neck as he felt him shudder.  
>"Oh god yes!" John panted loudly as the low chuckle rose from the detective.<br>"Let me help you then..." The doctor raised an eyebrow as he took the moment to breath slowly. Leaning his head back on the wall as the deep breathes were welcome to his lungs. His thoughts mangled with the current ongoing events, thinking only about what was to happen. Face turning a deep red as he imaged it, gulping as they did. John's thoughts was interrupted as he suddenly felt his trousers drop to the floor, eyes quickly opening to watch. His hands now gently placed on the back of Sherlock's neck, as his eyes watched the other slowly lick his bottom lip. The warm tongue quickly running along his member, the material blocking from the full touch. The doctor's hands gripped onto the man's shirt, his brain cursing himself for not going commando. The moans becoming deeper as the lust heightened, his bulge pulsing from the need.

Sherlock's smile widened, his hand gently petting the man's cock through the material. The teases being experiments to see how far he could push John. It had been far too long since the doctor had any form of sexual contact and it showed. He relished from the power he had over the man right now. Using his teeth, the detective gripped onto the band of the briefs bringing them down enough to expose the length. Smirking once more as he looked over the leaking organ.  
>"My, My...what do we have here" With a purr his hand gently ran along circled the base. Watching the reactions he got from so little touch, each deduction becoming notes inside his brain for next time. Gently he sucked the tip, getting used to the taste. The moans coming from above being pure beauty to his ears. Taking in all the details before bobbing his head down the cock, taking as much as possible. His tongue swirling to find the places that made the doctor moan, nothing being left untouched.<p>

John moaned loudly as he felt Sherlock's mouth swallow him whole. His hands burring them self into the long black curls, the grip becoming tighter with each bob of the head. The doctor's own head tilted, eyes closed as he breathed deeply. Each moan being deeper than the other, the lust slowly consuming their brains. His cock twitching from all the attention, the need to touch the detective coming unbearable. As he breathed out another moan his hips followed to gently buck inside the other's mouth. The need becoming too much to be able to hold back any more. Huffs were produced from bellow as the control came back to John. His pants becoming more rapid as the muffled moans vibrated against his manhood.  
>"Oh god...Sherlock..." His thrusts also increased as he started to fuck the man's mouth. Each time coming close to bashing into the back of the throat. Screwing up his eyes tightly, John could not help but grunt. The pleasure being far too great to have full control of his actions.<p>

The rough thrusts pounded against the pack of Sherlock's throat, causing him to gag slightly. Eyes looking up at the doctor as his heart pounded, the power of the other making his own length throb for attention. He focused on swirling his tongue trying not to gag, his moans becoming long as the need became more and more. The detective felt his hair be tugged back as the member flopped out of his mouth. The other's hand tilting his head, as his eyes looked up to John. Begging to be touch, pleading to be kissed, waiting to be fucked. Their lips crashed together once more as Sherlock stood up slowly. His arms gently wrapped around the other man's waist, guiding the pair over to the sofa. No contact broken as their tongues danced as one. With a smirk the detective pushed the doctor down onto the sofa, straddling him with a grin. He bent down to kiss John once more before placing a finger on his lips.  
>"Stay put..." Sherlock purred before getting off the man. His eyes flicking to his destination as he grinned about what was going to happen.<p>

The doctor breathed slowly, pouting slightly at the lost weight. He enjoyed being so close to his flat mate, he had craved it for three years. Hands gliding up the sides, he slowly pulled up the jumper and shirt. The lack of touch starting to get to his brain as his body still pulsed from the hunger of lust. Throwing the shirt over to the side before his eyes latched onto Sherlock's now naked body. His cock twitching at the sight as climbed back on top, a condom and lube tube in hand.  
>"Sher-" John was interrupted by the other's lips as they kissed deeply once more. Their members rubbing together causing crashes of pleasure to stuck his brain. The moans before deeper than ever as their brains turned to mush. Panting deeply as the detective once more pulled up. His lips a puffy red and eyes fully blown with desire. Their eyes locked as the only sound to be heard was the pants filling the air.<p>

Their desire for each other was unreal, it almost felt like a dream for the pair. Sherlock gently stroked the doctor's cock before unwrapping and slipping the condom on the organ. Throwing it to one side he then coated it with lube letting the tube fall. Not even giving the doctor any warning as he shoved himself down the manhood. Hissing as he lowered himself down, the heavy gasp from bellow making it hard for the man to concentrate. The detective made sure to take as much as he could, adjust slight to get used to the large size. His head coming up to moan as he felt the other's hands lightly touch his chest.  
>"Move!" The order barked from bellow snapped Sherlock back, his hips quickly moving up to slam down. Sending a shock of pleasure right through his body, pants becoming more rough each time. His eyes looked over at John, as he noticed how much he craved for it too. Slowly he started to move, the speed picking up each time he reached up to the head. Trying every angle to experiment which ones gave off the best reactions.<p>

The detective was so tight, John could hardly keep anything in. His moans were loud enough for the whole of London to hear. The pleasure of the each movement becoming greater with the roughness. His hands darted over Sherlock's skin as they grabbed on, focusing on meeting their thrusts at the same time. Screwing his eyes up, as the moans still poured out. Silence fell as both of them held back being loud, their skin slapping together as the pair found it impossible to carry on like this.  
>"Touch...me..." The doctor's eyes opened slowly as he heard the growl from above. The detective's cock pulsing, the precum trickling from the head already. He wrapped his fingers long the leaking member, roughly jerking it making the man moan loudly. Their movements moving at the same pace. Matching the roughness with each movement, their moan mixing into one.<p>

Their moan mingled into one as the movements became sloppy but rough. Sherlock's balls tightened as slammed himself down time after time. John's hand causing him to get closer as closer to the edge with every touch. His mind turned to mush as a deep moan stretched its way out. The detective shuddered taking note, he had hit his special spot. Angling for the same stop each time, he slammed down building his rapid pace once more. The pleasure being too much to handle, their moans being loud not caring who heard. Their bodies crying out as they started to tip over the edge. Mouth wide open as he tried to work out words.  
>"I...m...close..." Sherlock bit hard on his bottom lip as he felt John's movements become more rapid.<br>"Cum for me...Sherlock...cum" With one last loud moan he released over the other's chest. His body tensing hard onto the cock, eyes squinted tightly. The doctor came shortly after, their moan mixing into one blissful harmony. Their bodies huffing into a mangled mess as the detective lifted himself off, gently moving to fit them both on the sofa. His arm grabbing the shirt to clean off the mess.

Breathing slowly John smiled as he felt the shirt take some of the sticky feeling away. His hand moved down to take off and tie the condom. Placing it down with the shirt that was just placed to the side. Both hands coming over to lightly hold onto the other, feeling Sherlock's head nuzzle into his neck. Holding each other's hand, breathing slowly. They shifted in close as their beating hearts beat as one. Nothing needed to be said, the feelings were clear just from the silence. Locking eye lines, they spoke through their emotions both too tired to do anything else. John kissed the man's forehead before slowly drifting off.  
>"Sleep John...you need it..." Sherlock purred as he watched the doctor sleep peacefully. Finally he felt like he had filled the void that was missing for years.<p> 


End file.
